Adam Does Afghanistan

I’ve talked to a lot of people about a lot of stuff since I got here. A whole lot of it I’m listening to, and some of it I disregard, but the nice thing about the job so far is that there are still new things. I’m sure that soon, the well of new things will dry up and I’ll have to really lean into the stuff that I brought with me, but for now there are still unique experiences that pop up each day.

The last three days have been solid training. I’ve had classes in how to stay alive in Afghanistan and how to use an M9 and M4. I’ve learned a schmidgen of Afghanistan history, especially the recent events that have shaped the country, and I’ve learned how to do counter-surveillance. I really liked that last class, and though a few of the others in the session fell asleep, I was eating it up. I didn’t always have the right answers, but I really like the idea of trying to outsmart the people that are already trying to outsmart you. And that makes it sounds tame, which for me it is since I don’t leave the base. I wonder if I would ever be able to stand up to the pressures of staying alert for all these hazards while traveling the countryside?

In any case, the bazaar came through the base yesterday and that was really really fun. I have been to a couple foreign countries where it’s expected that you will haggle endlessly over prices and I really enjoy the game of getting what you want for the exact price you are willing to pay. I didn’t have time to do any of that at the vendors who were here in Sunday, but there are a few things I saw that I’ll be ready to quibble over in the next couple of weeks.

Over the camp yesterday morning and this morning, there was a kite flying. It was amazing to see and to relate back to the Kite Runner movie, which, say what you will, was an amazing story. The crazy thing about this kite was that it was a small diamond kite, no more than two or three feet across, and it was doing amazing acrobatics at about 300-400 feet in the air – so high that you could barely make it out. I was in awe of this person flying because I couldn’t understand what kind of string they were using to get it so far up there – the string length had to weigh at least a  couple of pounds. Of course, I had just finished my class on combat mindset, so I quickly did a 360 radar check and looked real close at the kite to see if there was a camera or IED attached. It was clean, so I went about my day.

The attached picture is off the D7000 and is a duplicate of an iPhone picture I got a couple days ago. The mountains here are so beautiful, and this is a relatively clear picture of them, early in the morning, so the sun is shining real long, right on them. Surprisingly though, these are not the mountains that lead up to the Himalayas, so they are peanuts compared to the mountains further east. Really awesome site to see each morning on the way to breakfast.

Tomorrow, I get to shoot some guns, which I’m looking forward to because, of course, I’m a man from Idaho. I’ve never shot the guns that we’ll have the opportunity to fire off, so it should be exciting. And I like the idea that if I’m leaving the camp, at least on this trip, I’ll have a gun in my hand.

Lastly, I had a dream last night that I was climbing Borah Peak in the winter time. It was so real, and I was so pumped about it, that when I got up, I nearly posted it on Facebook and sent a message to Chad Berry to tell him so. I guess that means I should plan to do that someday because in my dream, it was amazing! Okay, maybe not a good plan, but I will probably look into it . . . .

Does it strike anyone else strangely that there are no pictures of my base camp up here yet? I’ve described it as good as I can, or at least as I want to, but I’d really like to put up some pictures, and I had my camera on my shoulder two times in the last 12 hours and didn’t take one shot.

Here’s the deal.

1. I’ve been a bit skittish about pictures since we are in a secure environment with the internet all around us. So if I post a picture, and some terrorist uses it to . . . terrorize I guess, then I’m responsible and so I’m being careful. I’ve been told to relax by a few others on the camp, and I’ve seen a couple people taking pictures, but I’d rather figure out the policy, then go from there.

2. The weather here is unlike anything I’ve ever seen, and often, there isn’t enough visibility to take photos! Like I’ve mentioned before, there is often a dust cloud over the valley that keeps us from seeing too much outside (really over) the walls. Also, every other day or so, I walk out the barracks door to a smell of smoke, and it looks like there has been a fire nearby – with lots of haze and visibility down to about 1/2 mile.

I think the misconception about Afghanistan is that it’s all desert. It’s not. The valley floor where Kabul is located is at 6,500 ft above sea level – over twice the elevation of Boise. Surrounding the valley are mountains on all sides. And on the flight into the area, you can see that these are serious mountains with huge escarpments and some very rough terrain. The range directly to the east is the tail end of the range that curves into Nepal and sports Mt Everest and K2, so this is some high mountain country with some very tough approaches. In any case, storms come through here quickly and they are violent, with high winds, lightning and huge peals of thunder. The guys in the office are obviously entertained by my fascination with the weather and the surrounding countryside, but I can’t help it. I’m from a place where that countryside would be over half the reason you love where you live.

All of this adds up to about a 75% factor of time when there is nothing that you can actually see over the walls of the camp. There is too much fog, too much haze, too much dust. Soon, I’m sure, I’ll start taking pictures of the dust. Maybe I can do a study on the lack of sharpness in this country. All the edges are blurry, and it’s difficult to see a way through the craziness of the city when the dust covers it all.

I’ve got a security orientation today and I’ll be asking about the parameters for photos, so after that, I should be able to do some postings.

For those of you who are good at improving processes, or coming up with better ideas of how to do stuff, you know that often there’s a continuum of reactions that people can have to your process improvment ideas. From enthusiastic acceptance and throwing you onto their shoulders for a parade down main street, to outright violent resistance. I experienced the best kind of reaction yesterday to the second round of process improvments that I’ve designed here at Camp Gibson.

And yes, there is a main street, but the parade is not exactly the best reaction. The best one is like what happened yesterday – where a Filipino AP Coordinator and two Afghani AP processors asked questions, gave suggestions for improvement, but otherwise wanted to implement all of my suggestions. They really felt that not only would it help them do their jobs better, but they will get to learn new technology that will help them in their careers. One of the Afghans is working on his Bachelor’s in Business Mgmt at the university here in Kabul. I can’t imagine this being the place that you have to work through that sort of education goal in this sort of environment, but whatever I can do to help, I’m going to do it.

So score one for process improvment, and behold, my kung fu is strong.

After that score, it was wonderful to wake up this morning to a thunderous rain storm that pushed all the dust in the air back to the ground where it belongs, and gave us all a gorgeous blue sky with some of the tallest mountains in the world on the western horizon.

I really like job interviews because I think I communicate pretty well and I’m pretty confident in my abilities. I had a few interviews after finding out about my short-date with SuperValu that were pretty intense though. I got flustered when they asked me to figure out math problems right in front of them, or to answer straight questions about specific equations or theories. It was unusual because in most interviews I’ve been in before that time, the emphasis is on personality and character, while the resume was the source of truth about abilities and qualifications. When I write that I’m an expert in Excel on my resume, I expect to prove that on the first day of work, not in the interview.

Apparently, that is not the case in some companies, especially those with a vested interest in the degree to which you are an “expert” where you claim to be one. Investment banks or insurance companies may be unable to gamble on your claim that you can develop Python Executables, and want to know that you can really do it. “Write some code that will accomplish this task on the white board.” Now, I could show that I’m a well-rounded employee and not only write the code, but also point out the dangling modifier, but for the most part, I’ve been able to demonstrate as well as claim my experience in my most recent interviews.

But today, even after an intensive interview process with DynCorp, I will have the first opportunity to demonstrate some important traits that I claimed to have, i.e. programming skills, database design skills and other process improvment proclivities. I’ll be showing some of the local nationals how to use a database that I designed to replace a burdensome spreadsheet that clogged the processors of even the fasted computers in the office. So I’ve got to train, to improve and to respond to feedback, all while building teamwork with the guys who are going to be working on my projects for this next year.

I write all of this today so that I can have another blog entry that starts out like each West Wing episode, “Previously, on the West Wing . . . ” Except it will be something like, “Previously on Adam Does Afghanistan . . . ”

The morning comes early here – not so much that I don’t want to wake up, but it is very bright very early, and the long light in the morning (and evening) does amazing things for the mountains and surrounding countryside. In the mid-day, the sun is so strong that it seems to pound down the detail of everything around. In the morning, that detail seems all the more sharp because of the great light. Plus with all the dust in the air, the world seems to glow – and not in a radioactive way.

Helicopters are hovering over the city and over the camp at nearly all times. All different types and sizes and sometimes the military types go over in convoys. It’s actually really cool to see and I’m getting used to it. But one thing I am not used to is the new things I see every day. Against the mountains to the south, there was a huge blimp floating around today. I don’t normally see blimps outside of NBC Sports, so it was unique. I really wanted to break out my camera and take pictures of it.

But I don’t want to get in trouble – I haven’t had the briefing yet that talks about what I can take pictures of and what I can’t. I’m playing it safe, but I’d like to carry the camera wherever I go – to get a picture of the tiny cat outside the dining facility, of the lazy spider trying to run away from me, but getting cornered by puddles, and of the mountains in all types of light. They look like solid colored chunks of rock through the dust and haze, and it takes a minute to realize that they are solid white with snow, but the dust in the air tints them almost chocolate brown. On the way into the base, you could see why this could happen in this valley – there is nothing green. I was told that the Soviets burned the entire valley when they invaded. Kabul was once called a city of gardens.

I think that if I knew someone who had money and opportunity, I’d propose that a massive planting of trees and smaller plants be undertaken here. I think it would be incredible to see the valley as it is meant to be – smothered in palm trees and low bushes and vines.

Until then, there won’t be a day, clear or otherwise, that the snow-covered mountains don’t look like they are cloaked in a sort of dusty sadness. This place, surrounded by mountains as great as I’ve ever seen, should not be like this.

Well, so far, I’ve not made very many friends here in Camp Gibson, but I’m getting there. I know that I will make friends soon, because according to my mother, I’m very personable and people like me. Anyway, the people I have met so far and spent time talking to are mostly foreign nationals from the Philippines, Georgia, and Nepal. There are a couple guys who are from the US, but for the most part, if you are looking for me in the chow hall, I’m the pale fella sitting with the Filipinos. They are really nice and I think they feel slightly sorry for me – not having any white friends to hang out with and talk smack about the crazy foreigners.

In any case, I’m grateful to have some people to talk to, though my Filipino is rusty and limited to, “Huh?” which means, “I don’t know what you just said,” and “Pardon me,” which means pretty much what it means in English.

Later, I’ve been invited to a special voodoo ceremony where we dance and pray to a stick figure that the dust cloud over the camp will lift. I’ve heard it’s pretty fun, and there’s a stick figure.

I made that last part up, as a joke, but now that I’ve written it down, I’m thinking of throwing a party with that theme. More to come. . . .

I was thinking about Jim Gaffigan this morning and his bit about the person who invented the robe. Some guy who just comes out and says, “Hey I got an idea! Let’s make a coat out of a towel!” I was wishing for anything that resembled a towel because though I thought of everything to bring here on my one year mission, and I packed a years-worth of everything, I failed to bring towels. To my credit, I was told that “linens” would be provided, but apparently towels are not considered linens. They are different. Not provided.

So my solution to this problem is going to drive me to greatness. I think it is going to be a hit sensation. Much like the snuggie.

I did bring big baggy sweat pants and a large sweatshirt with a hood. I brought thick white socks. After staring at these things, I started to see the genius idea that could solve my problem – the Towel Suit (patent pending.) In a strange juxtaposition, after finishing my shower, I got dressed before getting dry, but by getting dressed, I got dry. I don’t know what else to say except that I can’t understand why my job in the US was outsourced – because I’m an ideas guy. I come up with the solutions that save real people real time.

Look for the Towel Suit at your local K-Mart or Walgreens. I think I’m going to get it picked up by a major fashion designer. The Lagerfeld super shammy Towel Suit. Wait and see.

Okay, I have some time to kill before filling out a bunch of paperwork and then getting to work, so on the 20 yard walk to the chow hall, I got a dose of the scenery and I’m blown away. I can’t see anything of the world right around the camp, but the mountains that surround Kabul are staggeringly huge. All around, on all sides are mountains that make the Sawtooths look . . . like a dull saw I guess. I think they remind me of the Lost River Range that has Borah Peak in it. Big, rocky and still snowy.

I’ll post some pictures later, but the coolest part of the morning is the final verdict on the food. I had been told that the food was awful and that I would lose a lot of weight because of it.

Yeah, I don’t know what they were comparing to, or whether or not lunch and dinner will be complete wash outs (hopefully not in the gastrointestinal sense,) but breakfast was wicked good. Food is not awful when you can ring up a short order omelet and they bring it to your table. Now the breakfast is a classic english breakfast – with beans and fried ham and that sort of thing, but if you have a taste for it, it’s just fine. So I guess in comparison to gourmet food, it’s not so good, but for me, so far, it’s so good.

This is the name that I have given to this day – the first day of my contract here at Camp Gibson for Dyn-Corp.

And I must say that I believe that I have some sort of mental overload shock. This city, this area is overwhelmingly third-world that I was unable to take it all in. That is coming from the guy who takes pride and security in seeing as much of the big picture as possible. There were very few roads without huge speed bumps, large craters and random kids chasing soccer balls across the path of our speeding SUV. Operational protocol says drive as fast as possible (not as fast as is safe) to avoid security issues.

The guns are real and they are everywhere. Security forces at the airport were holding A-4′s, but outside the airport, the standard slipped down to AK-47′s and then some carbines that looked like they would have been a bit outdated when the Korean war started.

My favorite setup was a troop transport with a gun turret on the top – a turret made of nearly invincible plywood. I couldn’t have taken pictures if I wanted – there was too much to see. A quick glance past a barricade and some razor wire and there was a field full of children – two games of cricket overlapping.

Several “checkpoints” were huge cement barricades with a correct path, and a blind path with a gun emplacement at the end. It was crazy beyond crazy.

So call me a pansy, but at the end of the day, my brain shut down and I slept for three hours and now I think I’m a bit more ready to accept this whole situation.

Much like the classic ballad that laments a person who’s heart is now marooned in northern california, I nearly created a similar situation when I left my mandolin at a check-in counter with Safi airlines. While I sprinted back to the counter just a few moments later, I was thinking, “This is why they hate us, because we just leave our stringed instruments all over the place.” I stopped to ask a random middle-eastern baby to forgive me and to kindly not grow up to view me and my kind as the great Satan. I don’t know if it will have the desired effect.

A few moments later, the baggage checker pulled me out of line to have me open up the mandolin. A guy I met in Denver told me that he had similar treatment when he traveled with his ukelele. They even went so far as to make him play a few chords to prove it wasn’t explosive. I’m glad they were only interested in the extra set of strings I had in the case, because if I’d been required to place some chords, I would have been in trouble because my playing brings down the house!

Yeah, ok then.